Relationships

The other day the mother of a student studying in my center came to me late evening and informed that she was discontinuing the course that her girl was studying. I was surprised to hear that for two reasons. Firstly, the girl is a well mannered and a committed student all set to do well in life. Secondly, the decision was too abrupt. I probed the mother for the reason and she immediately broke down. It came as a shock to me that the girl’s education has been stopped because she is in love with a boy whom the family doesn’t favour. I felt sad about this. The next day I met the girl and spoke to her. She was in tears too. I learnt from her that she had attempted suicide thrice and now she a complete mental wreck. What stuck me about this incident is that there are many such cases happening these days. The reason is pretty obvious. The values and tradition which is embedded in our family system is in clash with the freedom which is readily available today. In middle class this conflict is more visible than others. Words like love are still frowned upon. But my point is – is it worth the tussle?

Well family values have contributed a lot towards the stability of our country and have been sustaining our culture across generations, but I guess a time has come for us to open a little bit to accommodate fresh thoughts. With increasing globalization we can no longer remain an isolated breed. Boys and girls get to mingle a lot more and necessarily this will lead to quicker maturity in forging relationships at a young age. The need of the hour is not spurn and disregard these adolescent forays into infatuation or love, but to understand them and guide them if possible in the process. Caste, creed, religion are no more as material to love or marriage as it used to be earlier. The reason why there is a conflict in accepting these relationships is more often the urge to dominate the life of one’s kid as chartered by the parents and unwillingness to approve an independent decision by their children. In many families there is definitely a change in perception as is attested by the many inter caste marriages that we see today, but there is an overwhelming section of the population who still would  close themselves in a cocoon and treat any violation as an aberration to be disregarded without any consideration whatsoever. The prime age of a boy or a girl should not be wasted in mental agony over a relationship. It must be spent sharpening their brains and preparing themselves for bright career.

One more reason for parents to object to a relationship is that the chosen partner is not suitable for their kid. Either it could be that education does not match expectations or it could be family background is murky, in which case, parents are normally reluctant to accept the association. The point is taken but the fact remains that the boy and the girl like each other and no amount of reasoning can tear the relationship apart. What do we do then? To me it seems there is just one way out. The parent can try reasoning but if it does not work out, it is better to allow the kid to go his own way and make them completely responsible for their acts. In many cases we find that such an attitude changes the way the kids look at the relationship. Because the ball now is in their court and they understand that they do not have the necessary stability professionally or otherwise to sustain themselves. The relationship then begins to fade away or they take the headlong plunge and reap the consequences if it their destiny to do so. The other way would be guide them along and help them to settle down amicably. This is rather difficult to do.

To conclude, the fact of the matter is that we should start adapting to the changing times. Arnold Toynbee, the renowned historian in his masterpiece titled “The study of History” – a massive ten volume work reaches the conclusion that any society that does not adapted will gradually become isolated and eventually exterminated. Love marriages, live in relationships have become a part of our society and it is bound to percolate to all levels in the coming future. Understanding social currents and going with the flow is an integral part of remaining peaceful and happy. A society must help an individual fulfill his potential and contribute to the betterment of it. Let us then adapt and grow rather then confine and perish.